The Tuition is Too Damn High!

After spending four years in high school, you'd think college would be a breeze. Honey, welcome to the real world.

There should be a warning sign outside of every college campus that says "WARNING: WE STEAL ALL YOUR MONEY, DENY YOU AID WHEN WE FEEL LIKE IT, AND STILL WANT YOU TO COME TO OUR SCHOOL! Don't get me wrong, I love college. Especially mine. But I hate the Financial Aid department. I swear, most of my problems with college aren't the courses or the professors, it's always the tuition. Either I'm not eligible for financial aid and have to pay out of pocket or I am eligible for it but still have to come out of pocket for 1/3 of my overall tuition and still have to pay out of pocket for books. And college books ARE NOT cheap!

Because I had to take the Spring semester off, I decided to sign up for summer courses to get me somewhat caught up. And that worked out fine. Got summer financial aid (which is totally different from the regular school year, btw), bought my books (out of pocket) and I'm currently taking my Summer 1 course; Intro to Sociology. In addition to registering for Summer courses, I did registration for Fall, which honey, isn't working out so well.

Last week, I got a letter in the mail and it pretty much said my financial aid was cancelled because of my Summer status. For Summer, I'm part time but during the year I'm always full-time. I'm not understanding what one status has to do with the other especially since I always end up coming out of pocket for my damn tuition and books anyway.

So what's a girl to do besides going to see a Financial Aid advisor and getting to the bottom of this mess. I was stressing over it at first but now I'm much calmer about the situation. I'm going to finish up my two summer courses and focus on Chanae's Angels. Those girls need me and I refuse to let them down.

Worth a Shot

I know, I know... I've been super neglectful. But not for nothing, you guys. The past couple of weeks have been so hectic and also eventful but I think I'm finally getting into the swing of things.

If you follow me on Twitter, you know I've been on a real serious #VoteYungMar campaign, flooding your timelines like crazy. I apologize, but I also want him to win this competition on time2grind.com (yes, this is a shameless plug to get you to vote.) so that he can get his demo heard by Warner Brothers/Bad Boy A&R Executives. Being that Mar is one of my best friends, it is only right that I want his dreams to come true because lately, I've been blessed enough to have part of mine come true.

Around the end of April, I just so happened to be reading through the different random tweets of my followers and friends when I saw something that just had ME written all over it: FEARLESS MAGAZINE IS LOOKING FOR NEW WRITERS. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, PLEASE CONTACT US and of course, the email address followed. I was like hey, this is that chance I've been waiting for and as I opened up my Gmail account to send out this inquiry email, I stopped. I didn't have any previous writing experience outside of doing school papers, personal prose and blogging. I didn't have any clips to send in if they asked for them and I had no professional refrences besides my friends, family and teachers. I immediately got discouraged but with tear-filled eyes, I knew I needed advice from two of my best friends: Ta-Sha and Laura, often referred to as my Right and Left Hands respectively.

Ta-Sha all but cursed me out when I told her about the opportunity but was too scared to pursue it. After an hour long speech about my writing abilities, she hung up on me because she said I was stressing her and giving her gray hair before her time lol.

Laura is always like the more calmer, voice of reason for me and if you know Laura, you know her mind is full of little speeches. (She had to be a life coach or cheerleader in a past life, I swear :)) Once again, I was told that my writing abilities were up to par with published writers and there was no reason why I shouldn't inquire about the position.

So taking the advice of my two best friends who are more like sisters, I sent a short and simple inquire email telling them that I was interested in writing for the online publication and requesting to learn more about the position. A few days later, a woman emailed me back outlining what would be expected of me if I decided to take the position and also telling me that I wouldn't be paid. For a second, I was like wait a minute, a sista needs some money in her pockets but then I thought realistically and knew I needed the clips, the notoriety and the experience if I even wanted to move on and write for larger brands such as Vibe, XXL and The Source. So humbly, I agreed and took the job which brings me to the exact reason for this post.

Naeemah Campbell, my amazing editor took a chance on me. A regular girl with no previous writing experience of this magnitude who she never even heard of. I don't know what made Naeemah take a chance on me but I'm glad she did. With each article I do for Fearless Magazine, I'm expanding my brand as a writer as well as the Fearless brand. Naeemah took a chance on me and with each article I turn in, I try to prove that I was worth the shot!

Can I Live???

So I was talking to my Right Hand earlier today and like always, we had a really good convo that got me thinking... Why do we as people always worry what others think about us?

Now before you start rolling your eyes talking about "I don't care what people think about me" just hear me out. Whether you like it or not, we are always communicating. Always. Be it through dialogue, our body language, our clothes, our hairstyles, what we do with our lives. Everything projects something to someone. And alot of what we do is based on how we want someone to perceive us, whether you want to admit it or not.

For instance, as kids we all wanted Mommy and Daddy (or whoever raised you) to be proud of us. We wanted them to hang report cards on the refrigerator and keep our certificates on display in the living room like little conversation pieces. But as we got older, their expectations of us increased, some of us slacked and that brings us to the here and now... College. Once you hit the 12th grade, you've got some of everybody asking you what college you're going to and what your major will be. For some people, college is just a dream due to the rising cost of tuition and lack of financial aid. And once you tell someone you're not planning on attending college they get this depressed look in their eyes and they hit you with that dry "Oh." Oh? That's all you have to say? And because we feel like we've let somebody down, we do what we think they would want us to do.

Same thing goes with careers. I never noticed so many people go to school for careers they're not really interested in! I remember my first semester in English, I was talking to this guy about courses we were both taking. He was a Pre-Med major but he hated it. He was always complaining about the studying and the tests so finally I asked him why he hated something he chose to do. He said everybody in his family had been doctors. His Great-Grandfather was a cardiologist, his grandfather was radiologist, his dad was a podiatrist (can I get a spell check on that) and his mom was an anesthesiologist. He said by the time he graduated high school everyone had already planned his future out for him. He was going to be a cardiologist like his great-grandfather, married by 25, with two kids by 33. When he started to run down everything his family had mapped out for him, I felt bad for him. He loved acting and entertaining. Theatre is where his heart truly was but because he didn't want to disappoint his family, he chose Pre-Med.

Unlike ol' boy, my family know of my writing abilities and they've always encouraged me to pursue them. However, when it comes to other things, they're quick to judge. I've never understood why everyone has an opinion when it comes to your life but when it comes to their's, no one has anything to say. Sometimes I feel like my back is against the wall with them and I just want to shout out, "Can I Live?!"

I guess altering ourselves to fit someone else's standards is something we o subconsciously...

Everybody Wants To Be Somebody

I swore I wasn't gonna go off on one of my tangents... But I lied, can't help it, I'm only human and this tom foolery has to stop. Have you noticed that when meeting new people via a social networking site like Twitter or Facebook that under their little mini bio: they always have some nonsense like I'm a Rapper or Writer or my personal favorite, iModel... Really sweetie, just because you got a Nikon for Christmas and you took that one cute photo in the bathroom mirror doesn't make you a model.

I find this kind of stuff laughable because the people claiming these extravagent lifestyles have no resume to show for it. Like all these so-called rappers out here. Just because you can recite every Lil Wayne song off Tha Carter 3 does not mean you have bars. It just means you're memory isn't too shabby. And for all these Tyra Banks chicks who don't know the difference between print modeling and runway, look it up! No seriously, do your homework. Modeling looks easy but it is a ton of work and it is not to be taken lightly. Any job that you're interested in should be thoroughly researched before you make the decision that this is what I want to do with my life.

And if another damn celebrity tweets, "Go cop my new book!" I am going to scream. If it's not a tell all, it's a self-help book or some kind of "memoir". (Note the fact that I use the word memoir veryyyyy looosely) As a writer, I personally get offended when a celebrity says they have written a book. Especially a celebrity who is already balancing two careers. So you mean to tell me in between shooting two films and working on a studio album, you found time to write a book, have it edited, work on rewrites, go through another editing process, getting a book deal, worry about format, cover design and everything else and get that bad boy out to the masses? *in my Jay Z voice I don't believe you, you need more people.

Seriously people, before you start chasing stardom, make sure you have a resume to back up all of your accomplishments. If I can Google your name and the only thing that comes up is your Facebook profile... HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM

For everyone who thinks I'm taking shots... You're right, I am. Because I am sick and tired of these pretenders out here. Find your niche in life and make it work for you. If you're funny, do some damn stand-up. If you seriously got bars, book some shows and create a website for yourself. If you write, find an internship or start a blog; it's FREE!

Everybody wants to be #WINNING these days but nobody was screaming that shit until Charlie Sheen started it... Just ask yourself, What the hell was I doing before?

Change

Damn, Mo, you changed. That's what a guy I used to talk to said to me in a text message. He asked me what I had been up to lately and I filled him in on everything; the baby, the books, school, the program, the articles. I guess he was flabbergasted or something because there was a long ass pause after I filled him in... So I asked him what he had been up to lately and he said he wasn't in school this semester and he wasn't working. So in my mind, it registered: I'm sitting at home, playing video games, not doing shit. You got the same thing too? Glad we're on the same page.

So I asked him how he thought I'd changed and all he could say was I act different. Umm, can a sista get some clarity? We went on ONE date sometime in early 2010 and that date pretty much changed our entire friendship. IT WAS HORRIBLE! (But that's for another post.) Before our date, we were pretty good friends who spoke on pretty consistent basis but after that one night out, I don't see how we ever got to be friends. He was never interested in the things that meant the most to me (my writing) yet I was at every game he had. I was always concerned about how school was going for him and he didn't even know my major. I really had to take a step back and look at the situation. You're supposed to be my friend and potentially someone who I may be in a relationship with further down the line but you barely know me. After him, I knew it was time for a change.

At 20 years old, I'm not saying I'm completely done with romance but I am completely done with settling. Right now, I've got major accomplishments under my belt but I refuse to celebrate with someone who doesn't even know why or what we're celebrating. Lately, I've been thinking about making a reemergance on the dating scene but FIRST I'd like to have myself together before I start zoning in adding someone else to my life. Even if it is just for a simple lunch date.

Change is supposed to be a good thing and if it's the right kind of change, it can be great. But if your changes have you downgrading, you need to seriously reevaluate some things, hun. My change has been for the betterment of me and my future, as well as the future of my child. I'm building my writing portfolio, I'm puttiing the final touches on Chanae's Angels and I'm already registered for Summer 1 and 2 at school. See, I'm focused man!

I could sit and let his statement irk me or I could laugh and keep doing me... I chose the latter.

Has someone ever told you "You've Changed" simply because you're doing better than ever?

Reality TV... Not Such a Reality

Television today is pretty much a visual melt down with reality show after reality show showcasing something that isn't really reality. Sounds like I'm talking in circles? Let me clear some things up.

Have you ever noticed that most of the reality shows normally cast "grown" women (and I use the term "grown" loosely) who do nothing but party, bitch and moan, and fight over irrelevant bullshit. In the words of Miss Evelyn Lozada of VH1's Basketball Wives, You're a non-motherfuckin' factor bitch

There is no realism to these shows. Where the hell is the substance? The education? Where are the real issues beside my man broke up with me, I can't afford the new YSL pumps and I'm sixteen, pregnant and think my little ass is grown. Now don't get me wrong, I was a teen mother but I also didn't glorify it. I do not regret my daughter but I'll tell anybody that having a child as a teenager is not cute. I didn't call into some cable network and pitch my pregnancy story to them. I think that's stooping kind of low to capitalize on your experience as a high school parent. But, I digress.

Reality Television needs to focus less on entertaining and more on educating. There are starving children, AID's epidemics, natural disasters and wars going on. Why is there never a huge focus on any of that besides a 10 o'clock news special that the public forgets within a week? The Sundance channel airs a docu-series called Brick City about the city of Newark, NJ and the struggles within the community and that's probably as real as it will ever get but even that leaves some of the major issues out. I'm a Brick City native and I know way more goes on than what the cameras show.

I personally feel as though if we as consumers and people supported the people around us instead of sending money overseas everytime they have a tragedy, maybe we could get some damn where. (NOTE: I support Haiti and Japan in their time of crisis but the United States has always been in a crisis and I've never seen any of them send us some damn relief. #imjustsaying) How about TV showing us that while we're sending monetary relief to others that we're also receiving some back to help rebuild places hit hardest by natural disasters?

Maybe I'm too much of an activist, maybe I'm exaggerating, or maybe you agree with me. Somebody get me the contact info for VH1 so we can start putting the REALity in reality TV.

Introducing Kiss My Conscious

"Keep in mind that I'm an artist; and I'm sensitive about my shit."

I am an artist. But not in the sense that I can take a paint brush and construct a piece of visual artistry. I'm a verbal artist, and I'm quite good at it if I do say so myself. But on the real everybody, I'm just a girl from Jersey with ambitions, dreams and a way with words. I've been lucky enough to have a few titles to go along with my name and I've been blessed enough to fit into each role accordinly. Mother, Mentor, Student, Freelance Writer, Publicist, Daugher, Sister and Friend. But for reasons I'll explain in a moment; I prefer "MissFit."

Yeah, I said it: MissFit. But dont take it and run with it. You see, a MissFit is simply a woman (or man) who has flaws ans embraces them instead of trying to distract you from them. Don't get me wrong, I didn't always like the person I was. When I was younger, I thought I was ugly. I hated my dark skin complexion, I hated the fact that I was skinny and I hated that one of my front teeth was chipped. I thought being dark skinned automatically made me unattractive and I felt this way until I was in about the sixth or seventh grade. I realized that everybody is beautiful in their own way and true beauty goes way deeper than outside appearances. My dark skin complexion I've learned to embrace as well as I've gotten older and a lot wiser. My level of confidence is extremely high but it is not to the point where I'm conceited and feel the need to belittle others. So yes, I'm a MissFit and damn proud to be one. Nobody's perfect, hun.

I am a walking, talking statistic but I refuse to let you call me that. I come from one of the meanest cities in the country but I am not ashamed.(I love Newark!) I went to what some people would call a "bad" high school but it was far from bad. And I had a baby before I graduated High School. However, I've never let any of these things deter me from being successful. I actually thank Newark, New Jersey, West Side High School and Anari Aniya Tillman for making me the young woman I am today. When you come from hard circumstances, you learn not to let the small things phase or distract you. I am a statistic, but I'm exceeding your expectations.

And last but not least, the reason for "Kiss My Conscious".
Almost every six months, I decide to create a blog and about a month or so into it, I decided I've strayed away from what I really wanted to do. But not this time. This go-around, I'm more focused, determined and I've got alot to say. I can be pretty blunt about certain things, I can be funny, I can be serious but best of all, I can guarentee you that 100% of the time, I can be me! Raw, real and uncensored. You might like it, you might hate it but I just want you to remember the key word of my blog title, Kiss MY Conscious. These are my thoughts and feelings and if you don't like 'em... Tough toenails.

Love Mo